Who Am I? : Glimmering Moments

Despite the hell I lived in there were a few glimmering moments. These moments are what made things marginally bearable.

When I graduated from elementary school, which for me was 6th grade. My parents threw a party. Well, it was a combined graduation of sorts because my youngest sister was moving from preschool to kindergarten in the fall. There was also something to do with one of my cousins meeting a milestone, as well. In addition, it was my family’s turn to host some kind of family gathering. Thus I got a graduation party.

Now the party itself is not the glimmering moment. It was a gift I received at the party. To this day I still own said gift. It is a 14 carat gold necklace. The charm is a heart with Austrian crystals at the point on each side. The chain has long since died and all I am left with is the charm.

This was my special occasion necklace. I wore this to every chorus concert I was in. I wore this to every marching band competition. I wore the necklace the day I was inducted into the national honor society. I wore it again when I received recognition for volunteering at the volunteer banquet at the library. I wore it at my high school graduation. In a sense this was my good luck charm. It was the one thing I could count on, since I could not count on my family being present. For a long time I took it as a symbol of my parent’s love and pride in me. I knew then that I was holding on to dream, but it was nicer to pretend than not. The necklace is beautiful and it made me feel good, so that was what mattered. I can look on it and remember all the memories that were made when I when I wore. Those were happy memories.

Disney:

The big music trip happened when I was a junior. We went to Disney for 6 days. That was amazing fun. My parents couldn’t keep me locked at home because it was a school-organized function and they would have looked bad after all my efforts to go, if they made me stay home. While there I sang for the president. We didn’t know we were singing for the president until after we got back, but it was cool to find out that we entertained the president. This was still under the Clinton administration. I marched down Main Street with the rest of the marching band and color guard in parade. It was just incredible to be there. I saw Toy Story II in Disney with two good friends. All in all it was amazing.


Championship:

I was in colorguard for a year and half. I did two outdoor seasons with the marching band and one indoor season. The indoor season is just the colorguard in competition. We had a fabulous season. We won many of the competitions we entered and went to East Coast championship in really good standings. The last championship competition was held in Wildwood, NJ.

It was a blast. There was a dance held the night before competition. That was fun. I think most of the males present were gay, except for the one that spun with us. We knew he was straight, well, mostly straight, anyway. Gay guys can dance. It was blast.

Competition could be brutal. I believe we had to perform our show twice. All I remember about the show was that I dropped my flag in the championship performance. I was so furious with myself. I had not screwed up by dropping my flag in any of the prior shows. However, when I looked at the tape later, you couldn’t tell I dropped it. I seamlessly picked back up the routine. So, in the end, I know I messed up, but I messed up in such a way that no one else noticed.

We won our division. It was exhilarating. We all received medals, but true be told, I don’t know where they end up in the packing. Those might be lost to me for forever. At least I can remember my flag twirling accomplishments without them.

The volunteer banquet:
I mentioned above about receiving recognition at the volunteer appreciation day banquet. That year I received federal and state certificates for excellence for my work as a volunteer at the library I now work at. I had over 500 hours of volunteer service around the time of my high school graduation. I was going to be surprised at the banquet that I had no choice to go to. I didn’t usually go to the banquets because my family couldn’t be troubled to take me. However, this time my mother was adamant about it. Then I started to receive mail from government representatives. This let the cat out of the bag. I knew what was going on.

This was fortunate for me because I needed to throw together a senior project. It was the first year my high school was doing senior projects, so we were told in like October that we would not graduate without one. Well, I just pulled all my volunteer stuff together and presented it. People were impressed. It made me happy that someone took notice of my work and dedication. More importantly there were people proud of me efforts for the right reasons. That felt good.

Prom:

The summer between my junior and senior year was supposed to be spent looking at colleges. I did not see one single college that summer despite my plans. My grandfather went in for double knee replacement surgery. I spent most of my summer taking care of my grandfather’s house and cooking for him. It was a long summer without TV, just my laptop and notebooks, and the heat running. Yes, I said heat. My grandfather was always cold, so the heat ran even in the summer on 90-degree days. I slept on a mattress on the floor where it would be easy to wake me in case something happened or needed to be done. Also, the bedrooms upstairs were like sleeping in an oven.

You are probably wondering what this has to do with Prom. Well, this is where I earned the money for the dress I wore and paid for the tickets for my friend and me. My grandfather paid me for the work that went into taking care of his house and caring for him. It was a big house and I often had to get on my hands and knees and scrub those floors. I would have done it for nothing, but my grandfather believed you paid people for the work they did. Of course we set a price and be made me fight for it. He taught me a valuable lesson. Know what you are worth. Know what your work is worth and don’t let people tell you otherwise or push you around. Grant doesn’t always were in a free market economy, but it was a very good lesson that I struggle to put into practice.

Anyway, I got a beautiful dress. My mother went with me the day I tried stuff on. It was slightly an embarrassing time trying stuff on, but in the end I picked a dress. Usually I gravitate to dark blues, however, I chose a dress of a different color. I chose a light gold. The bodice had embroidery in what looks to be metallic thread. I looked like a princess in that dress. I felt like a princess in that dress.

I still own it. In fact, I am currently making pieces in order to be able to wear to a Renaissance Faire. Someone told me that I could get married in that dress. Frankly, I like the idea. Perhaps I will have a Renaissance faire inspired wedding. However, I am not ready to get married.

Glimmering moments that stand out in my life. Some of them have bittersweet undertones to them, but in general they are happy memories. There were other happy moments. One of those was wining the local competition of history day and going to state competition. Another would be graduation itself, though there is a dark cloud hanging over that. There are some fond memories of people. For the most part, most of the happy moments in my life were mundane tiny things that only mean something to me. These, however, were glimmering moments, moments that stand out as being something great.

Fallen Angel