The Affects of Change

In life, changes are made on a regular basis regardless of the intention. Every decision that is made affects a person’s life. What one eats today will affect the nutrition, health and body of that person. This is a small change and one where the affects are not seen until later when the person is wondering how the heck they put on 15 pounds.

There are instant changes made by a split second decision or a decision that was agonized over. It can be as simple as taking scissors to one’s hair and cutting off a fair amount. In the past I have cut 11 inches or more off the length of my hair and donated it to Locks of Love. My long hair disappeared to a cut shoulder length do. Instant change is possible. Sometime it is positive like my donating my hair or something negative like the car accident and so forth.

People like to make big changes or even small changes slowly in order to not overload themselves. These people make a small chain of changes in order to reach their intended goal. However, some people are like me. They like to make several changes at once.

I am a rather indecisive person. I don’t like to make decisions. I could care less what I eat for dinner so long as I eat a meal. When asked to a movie, I do not really care what movie I go to see. Yet, when I make a decision, I make big changes in my life.

Within a month or two, I went back to school. I cut my hair short donating my lovely long locks to Locks of Love. I moved out away my parent’s jurisdiction. I started hanging out with friends, where I lead a solitary life. These are big changes in a very short period of time. I had to adjust to being a student again and I had to set up home. I had to learn how to take care of myself and interact with my peers again. It was a great deal in a small amount of time, which meant it required quite a bit of balancing. I was busy, drew back from some of my pre-existing activities to be able to cope with the new.

Recently, there was another series of significant changes. My father was in the hospital with a heart problem. He was sick enough that Doctors couldn’t figure out why he was still alive. My mother took a day trip to the ER because of heat stroke. I was finishing the last class of my associates and working on a ton of paperwork for my new school that I started this week. I am leaving a job I have worked at as staff and a volunteer for nearly 16 years of my life. Tomorrow, I say goodbye to the last thread of my past by leaving my safe job and moving on. On Friday, I start a new job as an assistant teacher. It is exciting and new, but it is also something that I will struggle a time to master. In the weeks to come, I will be volunteering as a Teen Councilor. I have helped advise people before, but now my words will have weight and a direct affect people’s lives.

I do not seem to make small life changes, nor do I take them one at a time. It unbalances me some. There is a time of calibration in order to balance things. It is not easy cutting or saying goodbye to the past and welcoming in the future. The middle ground of the present shifts a little like a teeter-totter. Time is at a premium. I don’t have the time I used to talk to people or write. I don’t have the ability to deal with other people’s stress. When overwhelmed, I go into self-protection mode until I can deal with what I have placed on my plate.

I have learned that life changes in my life make it harder for me to help other people with their life simple because I am not stable. This unstable stress has me fighting nasty migraines at times. Anyone adding stress to my life or trying to force me to do something that I cannot do for one reason or another, I walk away from them in order to avoid pain. I come back eventually, sometimes it takes months or years to move back to a place where I can handle or interact with certain people or places.

I think we all do this. As we go alone our path, the friends we have change or the places we hang out change. What we value tends to change as well. It isn’t a matter of abandonment. It is a matter moving in different direction of life’s path.

Each of us walks our own path. Sometimes during this walk, we walk together with friends and family. At others we walk it alone or with other people. People cross each other’s paths infrequently or frequently depending upon the respective paths. There are points were a person crosses our path for a few moments and yet affects us greatly. In this, there is no abandonment, because we are all moving towards or away from each other. As our values change, mature and transform, we move away from people who share old values as they continue on their path.

I am aware that the changes I have made move me away from certain places and people. I know these places and people are moving equally away from me as they continue and change on their path. Am I sad about this? Yes. In a way, it is a goodbye. It is also a vibrant, excited hello as there are new people to meet, new places to see, and new skills to learn.

Our past has been shaped through our change and our future will be forged by our decisions that bring on change.

Fallen Angel